Grandma Says · Leer en español · Posted
How to stop overthinking at night: Grandma says write it down so your mind can put it down
Meet Grandma and Auntie, and pick the faces that feel like family.
Mm-hm. It's late, the house is quiet, and the one thing that won't settle down is your own head. The bill you forgot, the thing you said at work, what you should have done back in 2019. Lots of folks type the same words into their phones after midnight: how do I stop overthinking at night? Why can't I turn my brain off? Grandma's answer starts with a pencil. Write it down so your mind can put it down.
Here's what I've learned. In the daytime your thoughts have company: chores, people, noise. At night they've got the whole room to themselves, so they get loud. Little worries look bigger in the dark, the same way a coat on a chair looks like somebody standing there. Most of what keeps you up at two in the morning will look smaller by breakfast. Your job tonight isn't to solve it. It's to set it somewhere safe till morning.
Write it down so your mind can put it down
Keep a notepad and a pen by the bed. Not your phone, a real pad. When the thoughts start circling, sit up, turn on a small lamp and empty your head onto the paper. Some people call it a brain dump. I call it clearing the table.
- Write everything, big and small. Call the dentist. Fix the gutter. Worried about what she meant by that text. No order, no neat handwriting. Just get it out.
- Put a next step beside the ones that need one. Not the whole fix. One step: "Call the bank at 9." A thought with a plan attached quits knocking.
- Cross off what isn't yours to carry. Some of it belongs to other people, or to next year, or to nobody. Draw a line through it.
- Tell yourself out loud: "It's on the paper." Sounds silly. Works anyway. Your mind keeps repeating things because it's scared you'll forget. Now you won't.
- Close the pad and turn it face down. That's your signal that the meeting is over for tonight.
Give your evening a winding-down time
The best time to stop overthinking at night is actually a few hours before bed. An hour or two after supper, take ten minutes at the kitchen table for what I call worry time. Write down what's on your mind and what you'll do about it tomorrow. Then you're done for the day. When something pops up later in bed, you can tell it, "We already talked. See you in the morning."
- Dim the lights after dark. Lamps, not the big overhead light. Let the house get sleepy before you do.
- Put the phone across the room. Scrolling at midnight hands your brain a hundred new things to chew on.
- Keep your hands busy for a bit. Fold laundry, do a puzzle, shell some pecans. Busy hands give a busy mind somewhere to rest.
- Go easy on late coffee and heavy suppers. A cup of warm milk or a decaf tea is a better friend after six.
When you're lying there and it starts up again
It happens. Don't fight it and don't scold yourself. Try one of these instead.
- Slow your breathing. Breathe in while you count to four, out while you count to six. Do it ten times. The longer breath out tells your body it's safe to rest.
- Give your mind a boring job. Name a fruit for every letter of the alphabet. Walk through your grandmother's kitchen in your head, drawer by drawer. Boring is the point.
- If twenty minutes go by, get up. Sit in another room with a lamp and something calm to read, then go back to bed when you're drowsy. Lying there wrestling with the pillow only teaches your body that bed is for wrestling.
- Keep the same wake-up time. Even after a rough night. Steady mornings make for easier nights.
And some nights, what you really need is to say it to somebody who's awake. That's what Ally is for. Grandma Grounded is up any hour, and you can type, send a voice note, or call. Tell her what's going around in your head. She listens, and she'll be honest with you. Then Auntie Grounded comes in at the end to send you off right.
Auntie's last word
Okay now, listen to your Auntie. Paper holds it till morning. That's its whole job, chile. You wrote it down, you turned the pad over, so let it hold the weight tonight. Those problems will be right there at breakfast, and you'll handle them better with some sleep in you. Fluff that pillow, put the phone out of reach and close your eyes. I see you trying. Now get some sleep.
Talk it through with Grandma
Take the one-minute quiz and Grandma will meet you where you are. Any hour, free to start.
For adults 18 and over. No card needed to start.
Keep reading: How to adjust to the time change: Grandma says give your body a week · Ways to remember someone who passed: Grandma says say their name out loud · How to get to know your neighbors: Grandma says hand them something sweet all year
Need help right now? Call or text 988, any time. More free lines.