Grandma Says · Leer en español · Posted
How to make friends as an adult: Grandma says a ballgame is reason enough
Meet Grandma and Auntie, and pick the faces that feel like family.
Mm-hm. It's World Series week, and all over the country folks are yelling at the same television at the same time, just in different living rooms. Grandma wants you to notice that. Half the people watching that game would pick up the phone if somebody called and said, "You see that catch?" You don't need a deep reason to call somebody. A ballgame is reason enough.
People ask me all the time how you make friends once you're grown. When you were little, friends came with the territory. You sat next to them in class, you lived on the same street, you rode the same bus. Then life spreads everybody out. Work, moves, kids, caring for your folks. One day you look up and realize you know plenty of people, but there aren't many you'd call at nine o'clock at night just to talk.
That's not a flaw in you. That's how grown life is built. Nobody hands you a classroom anymore, so you have to build the classroom yourself.
Why it feels so awkward now
As children we didn't think twice about saying, "Want to play?" As adults we worry. Will they think I'm strange? Do they already have enough friends? Am I bothering them? So we wait for the other person to go first, and they're waiting on us, and everybody goes home with their phone in their pocket.
Here's what Grandma knows after all these years: most people are glad to be asked. They're just as busy, just as unsure, and just as pleased when somebody makes the first move. The awkward feeling lasts about ten seconds. A friendship can last forty years.
Grandma's six ways to turn faces into friends
- Use the moment you're already in. A game, a storm, a holiday, a funny sign at the store. Text one person tonight: "You watching this?" Small reasons are the best reasons, because they don't put weight on anybody.
- Show up to the same place again and again. Friendship grows from seeing the same faces over and over. Pick one thing, like a weekly class, a church supper, a walking group, a library club, or a rec league, and keep going even when you don't feel like it.
- Be the one who asks twice. One coffee is a nice time. The second invitation is where a friend starts. If it went well, say so, and set the next one before you leave.
- Ask a real question, then listen to the answer. Skip "How's it going?" Try "What's keeping you busy these days?" or "How'd you end up in this town?" Then let them talk. People remember who listened.
- Dust off an old friend. Somebody you lost touch with is a friend you don't have to start from scratch. A short text, "Saw this and thought of you," opens the door just fine.
- Keep it small and regular. A ten-minute call every Sunday beats one big dinner a year. Friendship lives on little visits, not grand ones.
When they don't text back
Sometimes you'll reach out and hear nothing. Don't take that as a verdict on you. People get busy, phones get buried, life gets loud. Give it a week, then try once more, light and easy. If it still doesn't land, wish them well in your heart and put your effort toward the folks who answer. Plenty will.
And while you're building those friendships, it helps to have somewhere to say things out loud. That's what Ally is for. Grandma Grounded is up any hour, and you can type, send a voice note, or call. She'll listen, and she'll be honest with you, even about the text you've been too shy to send. Then Auntie Grounded comes in at the end to send you off right.
Auntie's last word
Okay now, I see you holding that phone. Chile, stop drafting and send it. "You watching this?" That's the whole message. Worst case, they say no. Best case, you got yourself a game-night buddy for the next twenty years. Text one person tonight. Your Auntie will be right here cheering.
Talk it through with Grandma
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